A big thank you to Barbara Carmichael for taking the time to answer some questions about her travel memoir I’ve Come to Say Goodbye: A Memoir of Friendship, Loss & Love. Be sure to check out Barara’s website.

1. When did you first travel to India?

My first trip was in 2005 at the invitation of my friend Brigitte. We flew into Mumbai where we stayed the night. It was like no other place I had been.

Excerpt – page 35
“I could see how some people would find India daunting – maybe too daunting. There is no easy entry, no way of slowly easing oneself into India. Like biting into a raw chilli, my shock was immediate. The air was close. The people were close: in fact, 20 million people were close. I found it hard to imagine myself out there, amongst it. It scared me.”

The next day we flew onto to Udaipur. It was there that I met Tarun. There was an instant connection between us. Brigitte had met his brother previously, and Tarun offered to show me around. I had a trust in him.

2. What prompted you to write the book?

At first, I kept diaries and sketch books of the places I visited, and then around 2007, I decided to write a travel memoir. I kept returning and of course, wrote more diaries and collected more information. Each time I returned, I visited Tarun and his family. I began to see India through their eyes. I was able to share the traditional celebrations of Holi and Diwali with the family. I was no longer a tourist. I felt I wanted to write a travel memoir that was more than a tourist guide. I wanted to introduce readers to my Indian family. Tarun was very proud that I was writing about his family. With every trip, our friendship grew. I would go to Udaipur and then on to somewhere else afterwards. I had many adventures on my travels. I was run over by a rickshaw in peak hour traffic; booked into a hotel that was in the final stages of demolition…I slept with my bag against the door with the sound of falling bricks all around me. On a night train to Jodhpur, I awoke to find four men standing at the bottom of my bunk watching me sleep. I’ve had the worst bout of Delhi belly … but ended up being treated by the Maharaja’s doctor. I visited the Marigold Hotel soon after the first movie was finished. The property was owned by a friend of Tarun’s and we wondered about the signs of an old people’s home.
Wherever, I went, Tarun was always looking after me, making sure I was safe. In 2014 he passed away suddenly, and I was devastated.
I needed to go back to say goodbye to him – hence the title “I’ve Come to Say Goodbye”. I realised I wanted to finish my book. It is a tribute to him and a gift to his family.

3. How many trips have you made to India?
To date, I have made sixteen trips to India.

Excerpt Page 127

“People may wonder why I went back to the same place time after time. Each trip I managed to discover something new. I spent time. I sat. I watched. I breathed it in. There were days when the air was filled with the fragrance of sweet jasmine, and others when the smell of raw sewage turned my stomach. It didn’t matter because India had captured my heart.”

4. Is this the first book you’ve written?
Yes, although I have always loved writing diaries and journals, this is my first book. I am also an artist, and to me writing is like painting with words. I had no idea when I started how I was ever going to find an ending to my book, as I could always see myself going back time after time. But Tarun’s death was such an emotional time. The book begins with a Prologue – a time when I first hear of his passing. From there, I take the reader back to the beginning of how we met and about my adventures. The book ends with an Epilogue …when I go back to India to say goodbye. Deepak, Tarun’s best friend meets me at the airport when I go back.

Excerpt
“He’s still here,” he whispers . “Just ask him and he’ll show you.”
…….
“Trucks, rickshaws, motorbikes stream past in the endless current that is India. It comes to me than, as I squint into the dusty orange light, that I will go to the lake. That’s where I will find you. That’s where I’ll be able to say goodbye.”

5. What do you like about India?

It’s difficult to define one particular thing about India. It’s certainly an assault on all the senses, as they say.
Excerpt – page 127

“India’s colourful. It’s dusty and dirty. It’s joyful. It’s noisy but calming. It’s frustrating but rewarding. It’s relentlessly hot with temperatures reaching 50 degrees, but a great place to chill. Time passes at a pace that is of its own making. It’s a place of smiles and a place of sadness. How can it be all of these things? It seemed the more times I went, the more I managed to let my mind and my soul float uncompromisingly in the sea that is India, and I gave it permission to be swept away by the current.”
………..
India is also a place of contrasting landscapes. A couple of months ago, I visited Pushkar and the PUSHKAR CAMEL FESTIVAL. Over the period of four or five days, this sacred desert city was suddenly alive with camel traders and over 10,000 camels. It was an amazing sight.
Visiting the palaces and forts of Rajasthan is just incredible. There is so much to see. I love the colours of the saris and the huge bright turbans of the men.

6. Has travelling to India taught you anything?

Travelling in India has taught me so much. Firstly it has taught me patience. There’s no way you can travel in a country of 1.4 billion people and not learn patience. I feel I was very fortunate to have been able to see India through the eyes of Tarun and his family. I’ve learnt to appreciate the simple things and I’ve learnt not to be judgemental.

On my first trip to India, I probably missed a lot because there is so much to see. I only saw the obvious, but I learnt to open my eyes to the possibilities, and that’s when I saw the real India. With Tarun, I visited an ashram called Asha Dham where he often helped. It’s a shelter for mentally disabled women in Udaipur and is run by an elderly nun named Sister Damien. In India, there is a harshness towards women that I find difficult to come to grips with.

Excerpt – page 133
“Life is not easy for many in India, especially the poorer women, who labour on the building sites and on the roads. It is the women who tend the goats, who work the fields and fetch the water. Those same women cook and clean, and often have a small baby strapped to their back. I feel for them, but I can’t even begin to understand their great strength or their weariness at the end of the day.”

7. What is your favorite place to visit in India?

Of course, my favourite place in India is Udaipur, also known as the Venice of the east because of its beautiful lakes.

“The magic of the lake drew me in once more, captivated me. There, I could gaze into nothingness for hours without noticing the passage of time – it was like my soul simply rested.”

Udaipur has become like my second home after all these years. I can wander the streets and people recognise me and call out to me. On my first visit, the whole of Rajasthan was in drought. There was no lake. I remember walking across the dry, dusty lake bed to the Palace on the Lake. It stood there like a shag on a rock. The following year, the lake was full and the city had regained its soul. It took my breath away the first time I saw it.

There were always celebrations there with Tarun, his wife and family, his brother and his family and his mother and father. I am a daughter to them now. I know their pain of losing Tarun, their son/brother/father/uncle/husband, and my friend. There will always be a connection for me in Udaipur and I will continue to travel there for as long as I possibly can.

8. Any advice for travelling in India?

Excerpt – page 128
“Some travellers go to India seeking to ‘find themselves’, to be transformed, without really looking beyond themselves. Others convert their foreign currency and then, feeling rich in rupees, forget their manners nd the fact that they are guests in a foreign country. Many a time I have cringed when I’ve heard a tourist haggling over 10 or 20 rupees. “

My advice is do remember you are a guest. Because you have more money, it does not make you a better person. Respect both their religious and traditional values. Don’t wander around in short shorts and skimpy tops. No ice in your drink. So that’s the don’t’s.

But do take your time. Enjoy the people, the food, the cultural experience. SMILE…the universal language. Leave room in your bag for shopping. You don’t need lots of clothes – laundry is cheap.